We all want to be happy, but figuring out what actually makes us happy can feel like climbing Mount Everest. One reason why — not the only reason, but one of them! — is that a lot of what we think will make us happy really won’t.
Myth 1: More Money Equals More Happiness
“If only I had more money, I’d be happy.”
I fall prey to this myth myself. It’s so easy to believe that with money would come the kind of security and safety that would let you let go of all your worries and live a perfectly stress-free and blissful life. But it never works that way. Having enough money to meet your basic needs is essential for happiness—it’s hard to feel joyful when you’re worried about survival. But research shows that after a certain point, the happiness returns on wealth diminish. In fact, chasing money for its own sake can lead to stress, burnout, and dissatisfaction.
So what does work? Spending money on experiences rather than things. Experiences, like a weekend trip or a cooking class, create memories and connections that bring lasting joy—something a big bank account can’t quite match.
(You can learn more about how money does and doesn’t affect our happiness in Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton.)
Myth 2: Success = Happiness
It’s easy to tie your happiness to goals: landing the dream job, buying the perfect house, or getting that big promotion. But even when you achieve those things, the boost in happiness is temporary. Psychologists call this the “happiness treadmill”—you’re always running toward the next thing, but you never feel like you’ve arrived. As Adam Alter said in Irresistible, “When you approach life as a sequence of milestones to be achieved, you exist “in a state of near-continuous failure.” No one has ever been made happier by feeling like a failure.
Happiness myths also love to live in the future. “I’ll be happy when I lose weight.” “I’ll be happy when I find my soulmate.” “I’ll be happy when I move to a new city.” While these changes can make life better, pinning your happiness on a “when” is risky. Why? Because happiness isn’t a destination—it’s a mindset. Happy people focus on what they have now, not what they’re waiting for.
True happiness comes from enjoying the process, not just the outcome. Celebrate your small wins and find joy in the journey, not just the destination.
Myth 3: Happiness Means Being Happy All the Time
This one’s a biggie: the idea that true happiness means you’re always upbeat, always smiling, and never have a bad day. Not true at all! Real life isn’t like that, and that’s okay. In fact, trying to force constant happiness can backfire, because hedonic adaptation — the human trait of getting used to whatever situation you’re in — means that your good mood will always fade. Think about the last time you got something you really wanted—a new job, a dream vacation. It probably felt amazing at first, but over time, that excitement faded. That’s hedonic adaptation in action.
What works instead? Embracing the full range of emotions. Sadness, frustration, and even anger are all part of the human experience. Allowing yourself to feel them without judgment makes the happy moments even sweeter.
Myth 4: Other People Have It All Figured Out
Social media makes it easy to believe that everyone else is living their happiest, most perfect life. We all know that people curate what they share, but that doesn’t mean we remember that when we’re looking at their perfect vacation photo or flawless family portrait. And comparisons are toxic for happiness. According to The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness, “Research has shown that the more we compare ourselves to others—even when the comparison is in our favor—the less happy we are. And the bigger the disparities we see, the greater our unhappiness.”
Comparing your life to someone else’s is a recipe for unhappiness. Instead, focus on your own journey and celebrate your wins, however small they might seem.
Myth 5: You’d Be Happier If You Were Just More Grateful
Maybe? Gratitude is great and research shows that interventions like writing thank you letters to people in your life can help you feel happier. But gratitude is far from being the be-all and end-all of happiness. If you’re not getting enough sleep so cortisol and stress hormones are building up in your body, you’re sitting in a desk chair all day and your heart rate never gets high enough to pump blood through your brain, and you’re subsisting on ice cream and potato chips, with no B12, magnesium, protein or fiber in sight, all the gratitude in the world isn’t going to do a thing.
Gratitude is powerful, but it’s not magic. If your body isn’t getting the sleep, nutrition, and movement it needs, no amount of positive thinking will override that. Happiness has to be built on a foundation that includes both mental and physical well-being.
Busting the Myths
Happiness isn’t about chasing an elusive ideal or living someone else’s version of a perfect life. These myths are the worst because they’re not only pervasive, but also deeply destructive. They set us up to chase after things that don’t bring lasting joy, leaving us frustrated and unfulfilled. So instead of chasing happiness myths, focus on what truly makes a difference: taking care of your brain, enjoying the small moments, staying present, and creating a life that feels good from the inside out.